| The Pragmatist's Top Ten Desert Island Discs |
[Dec. 14th, 2008|02:12 am] |
If I were stranded on a desert island, these would be the top ten records I would want with me:
10. Cornell Laboratory Recordings of the Voices of Edible Flightless Birds That Inhabit Desert Islands
9. Orson Welles Explains How to Find Fresh Water on a Desert Island
8. The Complete Dummy's Guide to Masturbation (Audio Edition)
7. (Wild) Bear's Snares That Will Not Fail When Hunting on a Desert Island
6. Giada De Laurentiis Describes 1000 Recipes for Coconuts, which Commonly Grow on Desert Islands
5. Leonard Nimoy's How to Make Fire When Stranded on a Desert Island
4. Desert Island Spear-Fishing Made Especially Easy for You Who Are Stranded on a Desert Island
3. 10 Unmissable Distress Signals for Ships or Planes Passing Near a Desert island
2. Natural High: A Guide to the Hallucinogenic Plants Most Commonly Found on Desert Islands
1. Robinson Crusoe (Audio Book) |
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| Amazing |
[Dec. 11th, 2008|12:45 pm] |
"The polling company Rasmussen Reports, which interviewed 500 Illinois voters on Wednesday, said...79% said he should end up in jail." (http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2008-12-11-blagojevich_N.htm)
...which suggests that 21% of these 500 Illinois voters polled think that selling a Senate seat and ousting the editorial board of newspaper critical of your governance should not be considered crimes.
Are these people from Russia? |
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| In Memorium: Johnny Ether Laubach |
[Dec. 9th, 2008|09:54 am] |
Friend of mine died two weeks back. Memorial service was held yesterday. I shared these to make a point: Johnny had a strange sense of humor. Actually, I think he was very probably mentally ill. Here is the evidence:
(Regarding the Monica Lewinsky scandal:) This whole thing is ridiculous, this impeachment thing that is. I have always wanted to write an Italian style opera; would this not be good fodder? Can't you see a large tenor section representing the House bellowing away like buffoons? The epic would be called "La Gusta de la Sigaro." It translates, "The Taste of the Cigar."
Since my demise with New Kids on the Block, y'know...when they said I looked too old, I have been wanting to baste the world with my charm and great looks again. I have joined three other blokes and I already know you are the fifth. The band will be called "The Real Backstreet Boys."
Did you see the two hour NBC TV movie of Crime and Punishment? It was like watching a long movie trailer except that you got to see the end. Maybe next they'll do the Bible in two hours. One hour for the old testament and one hour for the new testament.
A pat on the back that you don't expect is a special blessing. An unexpected pat on the back while you're in the shower is terrifying.
Would it be too sardonic to put out a pamphlet called "A Guide to Fun and Interesting Club Life in Atlanta," that would have a really slick cover, but when you open it it would have nothing but blank pages?
Johnny unfortunately had poor taste in friends. I feel the company you keep is a reflection of your own character. Specifically, he associated with a fellow named Biggins. Biggins was a very abusive teddy bear. Although he was cute (as all teddy bears are) Biggins was, in truth, an ass. Biggins and I will never be friends. I am happy to say that Biggins was not at last night's memorial service. The following all address the subject of Biggins.
Biggins is going to find you this weekend to have a little talk with you. The only thing he's gonna say is, "Hey punk!" and then everything will fade to black.
Biggins say since you like French so much, "sucer mon coq."
Biggins says, "trick or treat." He also said you'll know what that means. What!?
Biggins says, "Let me give you some advice...Don't use your teeth so much!"
Biggins is a brat. He always leaves crap around the computer when he uses it. He is getting better at using the Internet. I don't want to know what he does.
Biggins says, "Me hear you writn book. I'm sure it will be real ineresting. hey I gonna writ book called 101 ways to kik andrews ass
Biggins split a couple of days ago to catch you at the airport. Looks like he missed you. I was kinda worried. However, I just got a picture post card in the mail with Biggins between two topless girls in Tahiti. He wrote, "Teaching the island girls our native bear dance...sure is hot here!"
Biggins wants to know what you got him for x-mas. He didn't get you anything.
Fuck Biggins. And Johnny, you are missed. |
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| Worst Article About Ukraine I've Ever Read |
[Dec. 6th, 2008|06:23 pm] |
Newsweek published this sunny look at Ukraine, which talks about how Ukraine is supposedly getting all European and turning its back on Russia more and more.
After spending several paragraphs expressing how Ukraine is trending more EU-ward, the last paragraph opens with a sentence that hilariously deflates all the joy that came before it:
"Still, Ukraine is decades away from the real prospect of EU membership..."
Perhaps in 20 or 30 years Ukraine will somehow have joined the EU, and we will then remember and admire the prescience of the writers of this piece.
Meanwhile, not one mention is made in the piece of the prime minister of Ukraine. She is locked in a brutal war of words with her former Orange Revolution partner, Viktor Yushchenko, the president of the country, which is bumming everyone out and hurting the Orange (i.e., western-outlooked) perspective more and more. The man they do mention most often, President Yushchenko, has abysmally poor approval ratings in Ukraine.
Nor is there an acknowledgment that there seems to be no end in sight to Russia's constant bullying of Ukraine through threats to cut off the gas lines, threats that they sometimes have delivered on.
To summarize: no EU prospect for "decades"; no chance of Ukraine's joining NATO; some sort of 350 million euro EU gift for something called "The Eastern Partnership," a paltry sum compared to the billions Russia requests/extorts from Ukraine each year for outstanding gas debts which may or may not in fact be real; and a fractured Orange Revolution. I'm sorry, Newsweek, but I cannot share your optimism. |
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| Smart Car Rules |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|12:28 pm] |
 My Smart Car arrives December 30. It has been a very long time coming (I'm thinking about a year and a half since I put down my deposit).
The main reason I am getting Smart Car is so that I can hang my Romanian license plate on something other than a wall.
If you wish to ride around in Smart Car with me, I will sell nominally-priced tickets for the event starting December 23.
In the event that Smart Car arrives sometime after December 30, your tickets will still be honored at a rescheduled date.
In the event of inclement weather, your tickets will still be honored at a rescheduled date.
Watch this space for notification of such cancellations and reschedulings.
You will not be allowed to resell your tickets. To prevent fraud, I will be taking down your social security number with the purchase of each ticket.
You must be between the ages of 16 and 70 to be eligible to ride in Smart Car.
Women will receive preferential treatment, which may include 1) line cutsies, 2) longer rides in Smart Car, and 3) Parking in Smart Car
People suffering from hypertension or heart conditions will not be eligible to ride in Smart Car.
Smart Car riders who are obviously impaired by drugs, alcohol, or caffeine will not be eligible to ride in Smart Car.
Pets are not allowed in Smart Car.
You will not be allowed to listen to any portable music devices while in Smart Car. You will only be allowed to listen to my Eurodance selections.
You may be asked to speak a foreign language with me while we drive around in Smart Car. Most likely foreign languages will be German or Italian. German should be spoken in a laid-back and friendly tone. Italian should be shouted hysterically for full Smart Car effect. And if you speak Romanian I will either 1) buy you a beer, or 2) buy you a beer and marry you depending on your gender.
Thank you.
And...
Goodbye. |
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| Greetings from Romania |
[Nov. 9th, 2008|04:34 am] |
It's a lazy, late Sunday morning in Iasi, Romania. Weather cold, skies blue and sunny.
I have lived for nearly two weeks with the same Romanian family, my friend Constantin's, here on the edge of the city. The family has been incredibly generous. It has been the most immersive living experience I've had by far during any of my trips to Europe and has been a real education culturally, sociologically, and psychologically.
Been to hole-in-the-wall student bars, to a heavy metal club and to a dance club, to museums, to parks and gardens, to a wine bar built in ancient underground tunnels, to an incredible cemetery, to a Turkish bath, to the premiere of "Quantum of Solace" at a mall, to a revival screening of an old Romanian spaghetti western called "Colierul de turcoaze" (introduced by the lead actor, Florin Persic), to a Lebanese hookah bar, to a pumpkin-carving competition, to a karate class, to a birthday party, and to an auto race where regular folks enter their cars. And I've probably left out a few things.
I push on to Bucharest in a few days, where my friend Razvan has bought a house. So, this will be my first trip without utilizing a hotel. Obviously, this is a better way to experience a county.
Iasi has become a second home to me now. But I look forward to the taller buildings and energy of Bucharest.
I am being fussed at now to eat my borscht before it gets cold ;-) So it's time for me to go. |
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| Extraordinary Times |
[Oct. 24th, 2008|12:32 pm] |
Euro and the English pound seemingly in free-fall to the dollar; just about every day a new 2008 record. Euro is now hovering at November 2006 levels. Amazing times, and a small silver lining in the black, churning clouds of the economic hurricane for aspiring U.S. travelers considering visiting Europe.
I return to Romania next week. Plan is to pack little and to buy clothes when I get there. |
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| My Mailman |
[Oct. 23rd, 2008|10:13 am] |
I have the best mailman in the entire world. His name is Lee ("Like Bruce," he told me).
He calls my cellphone whenever he has a package for me ("Mr. [Name Withheld]! I have a package for you from Slovenia!"). He does this because he does not want to leave a package on my step lest it get stolen. He will actually come back to my place later, after I have gotten in, in order to deliver the package to me personally.
He told me he refuses to join the post office union because he does not philosophically agree with the concept of unions. And the guy is 100% positive; never seen him down.
How does he do it? Is he a Scientologist? I don't think he's a Libertarian because it's impossible for Libertarians to be that happy.
My post office is still a miserable place to visit, but Lee is made of awesome. |
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| You're Not Going to Believe It... |
[Oct. 23rd, 2008|10:08 am] |
...but Atlanta's Capitol Avenue DDS (or DMV, for those more familiar with that acronym) completely kicks ass. Took only 15 minutes or so to renew my driver's license. I had read other people's similarly glowing praise online, but I was still a pessimist when I arrived this morning. Well, I hardly missed any work. Incredible. Even my picture looks good; my eyes are just a little bloodshot.
Anyway, I'll need to find another model of government inefficiency when I want to gripe! :-)) Hmm. There is still my sucky post office. But I have the best mailman in the entire world. That will be discussed further in the next post. |
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| How to Waste Your Time |
[Oct. 21st, 2008|02:33 pm] |
Take a look at this graph of predicted temperature fluctuations in Atlanta for the next 15 days...
....now take a look at the same chart upside down...
...and finally, feast your eyes on this graph showing the presidential race this year...
...and you will observe that the last two charts are kinda similar, but not really. |
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| The Debate, and the Beginning of the Endtime |
[Oct. 3rd, 2008|09:48 am] |
I thought Palin was horrible, but everyone in the media is telling me I'm wrong, that she did a decent job. I guess I measured the debate by a different set of standards, which was: 1) did the person answer the questions posed to them (Palin explained at the beginning that she would likely forgo answering questions in order to "talk right to the American people"), 2) did the person qualify their answers with information (CNN disparaged Biden for talking about, and I quote, "amendments and stuff"), and 3) would I feel OK turning the country over to this individual should the president be (in token grave voice: "--and God forbid this should ever happen--") shot in the head.
Instead, we live in an age where wanton ignorance is spun into a positive demonstration of not being a "Washington insider," where "amendments and stuff" are boring, and where the person who rises the most above our (sometimes extremely low) expectations is declared the winner. So Biden was at a disadvantage, since he's been in Washington a long time, he clings to an old-fashioned belief that opinions are best qualified by facts, and people already expected him to be pretty good last night.
This fascinates me, that a better debater goes into one of these things handicapped by being good. The competitions for the highest offices in the land are the only ones where this seems to regularly happen.
CNN's "analysis" was useless once again, thanks to the channel's chronic fear of alienating any percentage of the viewing public, as that would lead to lower ratings (FOX taught them this lesson years ago). So, rather than offering an objective analysis of the substance behind the candidates' words we got the usual partisan pundits belching their dull and predictable biased opinions. This type of "balance" reminds me of the arguments scientific creationists use for interjecting their beliefs into science classrooms, that theirs is automatically an equal theory to that of evolution simply because it is an opposing viewpoint.
However, after reviewing the transcript, I found I did win at Palin bingo. |
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| From the desk of Mr. Lava, DJ and Professional Alter Ego... |
[Sep. 19th, 2008|02:33 pm] |
I try to keep my various online worlds separated, but sometimes an idea comes along that I feel is worth sharing in multiple arenas. Plus, it's been three weeks since I posted anything here anyway. So, from the world of Eurotrash or Eurotreasure? comes this dispatch from Mr. Lava...
"I accepted a gig as celebrity spokesman for the European Technology Literacy Programme, an educational outreach project that promotes greater technology access for and usage amongst traditionally underrepresented groups.
"Lower-income/minority groups need to be aware of the fact that an average mugging in 2008 is not as lucrative as one from 10 years ago. This is due to the proliferation of plastic and the subsequent reduction of cash carried by the average person. While one can certainly walk a victim at gunpoint to an ATM machine and force him or her to make a withdrawal, this is a highly risky maneuver (consider the potentially long walk to an ATM, police staking out ATMs, cameras on ATMs, etc.). In short, the days of 'Your money or your life' are over.
"Poor Europeans should also recognize that with more people telecommuting each day, break-ins are no longer a safe proposition. The odds are good that even if you find one apartment empty the neighbor next door is likely in and logged onto his or her work desktop; she or he will promptly alert the cops. No point in cutting the phone line, either; today everyone uses a cell.
"If you are of African/Muslim descent and living in the suburbs of Paris, you probably know from firsthand experience that with technological gadgets getting more portable the odds are good that once you break into an apartment you will not find anything of great value there (except maybe a huge-ass plasma screen TV that is too cumbersome to run off with anyway). And while you might be thinking that this means a mugging COULD pay off, because while people no longer carry cash they do carry their laptops, the truth is that laptops are dangerous to pawn due to the serial numbers (and sometimes even anti-theft software) on them.
"What is a young, Roma criminal to do?
"The answer lies in the burgeoning computer crime market! Never in history has computer crime been so popular. But to make the big bucks in this field you're going to need to go to school and work hard!
"So take your science and technology courses seriously. One day, when a Russian businessman hands you a thick wad of South Ossetian counterfeit American bills, you will be glad that you did. :-)
"Next week I will discuss the benefits of Social Network Analysis for Italian crime families. (Hint: Your dockworkers may appear to be insignificant peripheral nodes, but in fact they are most directly connected to those Mediterranean drug networks your business is dependent on!)" |
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| My Thoughts on Georgia and Russia |
[Aug. 26th, 2008|01:59 pm] |
1) Georgia is lost to the Russians. Time to focus on the security of the Crimea and other potential future flashpoints.
2) South Ossetia, with a population of only 30-70,000 (depending on who you ask), and being a hotbed for international crime (arms smuggling, drug trade, printing of fake $100 bills, etc.) will have little to offer the Russians. So let the Russians enjoy managing and protecting South Ossetia.
3) Future of Georgia could become a sort of North/South Korea thing, perhaps with UN or EU peacekeepers on the Georgian side and Russians on the other. Worst-case scenario is Georgia tries to take back the two territories. If that happens Georgia will be destroyed.
4) The United States has little economic leveraging power over Russia, but the European Union does, thanks to its receiving Russian oil and gas. Obviously there has never been a better time to push alternative energy in Europe.
5) America and Europe, with hundreds of years of experience with capitalism, will outmaneuver Russia economically for years to come. Russia's inability to separate government from business, in combination with its general inexperience in the handling of matters of capitalism, will ensure dark days ahead for its economy--especially if European oil consumption is reduced.
6) Who will join Russia in recognizing the independence of Abkhazia and South Ossetia? Belarus? A list of countries supporting Russia's move will probably make America's "Coalition of the Willing" look like the G7. |
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| Awesome |
[Aug. 23rd, 2008|10:42 am] |
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Storm blowing in, remnants of what hit Florida. Temperatures hovering around 70, wind rushing through the trees and rippling the big bamboo curtain behind my apartment. This is the weather I love! For the first time in months I can smell fall in the air. And that in turn triggers thoughts of travel. :-) |
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| Ad hominem |
[Aug. 19th, 2008|01:44 pm] |
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Reading this dumb editorial makes me hope for a day when ad hominem attacks are retired from the arsenal of rhetoric. They're tiresome, boring, and a waste of time. Hopefully they will soon be seen as anachronistic as well. |
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